Saturday, March 29, 2008

Parent Training Course

I couldn't resist posting this:

Parent Training Course


Okay, so you want to be a parent. I don't have any hangups on that. However, it must be warned to you that maybe you should take these 11 tests before thinking about having a "little bundle of joy" because I can tell you, it's pretty rough...

Car Test: Forget the Roler, it's the station wagon for you. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment and leave it there. Then get a pencil and stick it into the cassette player. Take a family size tub on deep fried chips and mash them into the back seat followed up by running a rake along both sets of doors. Now after driving the sabotaged vehicle 130 000 miles with a second engine, try and trade it in.

Dressing Test: Obtain one large, unhappy live giant squid and attempt to stuff it into a small net bag at all times making sure that all the arms stay inside.

Stink Test: Smear honey, peanut butter and soy sauce all over the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick and hermit crab behind the couch and leave both there for the entire summer.

Feeding Test: Obtain a large plastic milk jug and fill it half way with water. Suspend it from the ceiling on a cord and start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the "mouth" of the jug whilst pretending it's a helicopter. Now dump part of the contents of the jug over your head and the rest on the floor.

Ingenuity Test: Take a tube of toilet paper and turn it into an Easter candle using only sticky tape and a piece of foil. Take and egg carton and make it into a happy rhino using only a pair of scissors and a pot of paint. Take a milk carton, and empty cereal box and a ping-pong ball to make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.

Land-Mine Test: Get your partner to spread a giant box of Lego all over the house then put on a blindfold then endeavor to walk to the kitchen. Don't scream as this will wake up a child at night.

Night Test: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand then soak it thoroughly in water. At 3pm start waltzing and humming with the bag until 9pm. Lay down the bag and set the alarm for 10pm. Get up and pick up the bag and sing every song you know. Make up about a dozen more, sing these until 4am, then set the alarm for 5am. Get up and make breakfast doing this entire procedure for the next 5 years. Look happy during the time you are doing this.

Physical Test (for men): Go to your nearest chemist and set your wallet on the counter. Ask the shop assistant to help herself. Now proceed to the nearest supermarket. Go to the office and arrange your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store and purchase a race guide. Go home and read it quietly. It will be the last time ever.

Physical Test (for women): Take a large bean bag and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for nine months. Now remove 10 beans from it. Try not to notice the large closet full of clothes you have since you won't be wearing any of them for a while.

Shopping Test: Borrow a couple of small animals such as goats, ferrets or Tasmanian devils and take them with you as you shop. Always keep them in your sight, paying for anything they eat or damage.

Warn-Off Test: Find a couple who already have a small child and lecture them on how they can improve their method of bringing up the child including patience, discipline, table manners and toilet training. Enjoy the experience for the last time in order to have an opportunity to get all the answers.

If you complete the course, well done. Not pleasant, is it? Now you know what it really is like to have a baby. Adios.

Monday, March 17, 2008

DBS Expanding in India

DBS is really on a move to expand in many countries in Asia. Now, there are news about DBS expanding in India:
http://sg.news.yahoo.com/rtrs/20080317/tap-dbs-bank-india-c3bb44c.html

I suppose this spells good news to me... But then again, the thought of the possibility of being sent on business trips to India isn't too appealing... Haha.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

The Older I Get, The More I Don't Understand

I find that the older I get, the more I see, the more I don't understand. I don't understand why certain people behave in certain ways. I don't understand why the world is moving this way. I don't understand myself sometimes.

Why do certain people hang on to something so strongly? Even when they said they "gave up", they were still hanging on to that slim strand, refusing to really give up. Why do I feel so strongly about certain things? Maybe it's time for me to give up and give myself a easier life. I can't control the way people think and what they want to do. Let them be. When such things happen, I start to feel like a parent...

What are some people thinking of? If you haven't read the article on the British girl I posted some time back, read it here: http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,23344930-2,00.htm and be shocked. OK. Maybe some of you won't be shocked. Maybe some of you might feel the same as the girl, that it's cool. I don't quite understand it. Maybe I'm not as open as I thought myself to be.

Talking about being open. Someone told me this "reasoning" before. Why can't a person love two people at the same time? If you can love your whole family, which is already more than 1 person, why can't you love two people at the same time in the romantic way? Maybe those people who had more than 1 wife in the old times, and some people who have mistresses now, do love all their partners? I'm like... Huh?!?! But honestly, I can't really argue for or against this "reasoning" actually. I must say a word for women though. One of the reasons why I wouldn't agree with polygamy is because there wasn't really any real polygamy. If a man could have many wives, why can't a woman have many husbands? Of course, this again can be argued by saying that in the olden days, men were the ones who work and can provide for the family. Furthermore, when pregnancy happens in a household of a man with many wives, you know (probably) who the father and the mother is. With a woman with many husbands, you can't tell. OK. That's going a bit far off.

I don't understand why some people can be more easily satisfied than others. I don't understand how some people can give so selflessly to others. I don't understand how some people can be willing to suffer and still think that things can work out (in a relationship, especially). Recently me and Gladys were saying that we can be willing to spend money on each other, but not on our ownselves. We can't really explain why.

I don't understand why do I never seem to be good at what I do. I'm more like a jack of many trades and a master of none. I can do certain things well enough to scrap through, but wasn't really good in any of them. E.g. gymnastics, cheerleading, martial arts, singing, computer, intelligence. I can do a bit of each, better than average in some areas, but never really good in any. And yet, some people do think highly of me. I don't understand that too.

The older I get, the more I really don't understand. I don't even understand why am I just thinking of all these funny thoughts instead of seriously doing my HYP, doing my school work. I just don't feel like studying anymore, don't feel like doing my HYP anymore. I'm just so sick of the whole thing.

I feel like resigning myself to the fate of a 2nd upper honours degree. Just aim to complete the HYP with a marginal score. But at the same time, I feel like it's such a waste, it's something that I don't feel like giving it away just like that. What an ironic feeling. Not feeling like doing it, and yet not feeling like giving it up. Perhaps that's how those people who want to hang on to a broken relationship feel.

I just feel lost.

Friday, March 14, 2008

More Jokes

More jokes for the enjoyment of the audience here:

Questions on pregnancy

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.

Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q: What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
A: Nothing (if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him).

Q: How long is the average woman in labor?
A: Whatever she says divided by two.

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
A: Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.

Q: What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A: It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

Q: What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
A: When you see teeth marks.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

Alternative Medicine

The pharmacist walks into the store to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.

He asks the young clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk responds, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup,so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The pharmacist yells, "You idiot. You can't treat a cough with a laxative."

The clerk responds, "Of course you can. Look at him, he's too scared to cough. "

Wrong email address...
A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day.

Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address, and sent the e-mail without realizing his error.

In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been 'called home to glory' following a heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the floor.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
From: Your Departed Husband
Subject: I've Arrived!
I've just arrived and have checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

(P.S. Sure is hot down here!)

Shelly

Muthu Jokes

Interviewer: "What is your birth date?"
Muthu : "13th October."
Interviewer : "Which year?"
Muthu : "Every year."
*****

The Manager asked Muthu at an interview.....
"Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?"
Muthu replied: "P-O-S-T-B-O-X."
*****

After returning from a foreign trip, Muthu asked his wife, "Do I look like a foreigner?"
Wife: "No! Why?"
Muthu : "In London , a lady asked me, 'Are you a foreigner?'... that's why."
Wife : ?????????
*****

A tourist from U.S.A. asked Muthu whether any great man was born in his village...
Muthu said, "No sir, only babies were born here."
*****

When Muthu was travelling with his wife in a motorised tricycle, the driver adjusted the mirror.
Muthu shouted, "You are trying to see my wife, eh? Sit in the back. I will drive."
*****

Muthu went into a hotel. To wash his hands, he went to the washbasin.
Then when he had finished, he started washing the basin.
Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing.
Muthu pointed towards the signboard

"WASH BASIN"
*****

At a political rally, Muthu was arrested. Why????????????
Because a lady journalist with a badge which read "*PRESS*" pinned on the right part of her blouse walked past him... and he did it!

Men and sex
Have you heard of the new book entitled "1001 Sex Secrets Men Should Know?" It contains comments from 1001 different women on how men can be better in bed.

I think that women would actually settle for three: Slow down, Turn off the TV, and Call out the right name.

A blonde joke
A blond lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.

The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"

"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"

"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. ! My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day.

Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I’ll give you $100 for your trouble."

"I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!

There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.

With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde. "What the heck are you doing here?: he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."

"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde, "but we had money left over, so now we're going to Sea World."

Nuts
A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game.

For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.

When the day of the game arrived. Everything went quite well.

As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, 'Up Nuts', and the patients complied by standing up. After the anthem, he yelled, 'Down Nuts', and they all sat back down in their seats.

After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, 'Cheer Nuts'.

They all broke out into applause and cheered.

When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, 'Booooo Nuts' and they all started booing and cat calling.

Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he turned, there was a riot in progress.

Finding his tizzied assistant, the doctor asked, 'What in the world happened?'

The assistant replied, 'Well everything was going just fine until this guy walked by and yelled, 'PEANUTS' .

Selling naked photos
A man wearing a dirty raincoat sidled up to a businessman on the street corner and asked, "Got any pictures of your wife naked?"

"Certainly not!" huffed the businessman.

The other man inquired, "Wanna buy some?

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

What A Crazy World

I can't believe it when I saw this story on Digg. It's just... unbelievable. Get ready for a shock:

Girl's party leaves dog in coma:
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,23344930-2,00.htm

Jokes

Sometimes when you're feeling down, feeling rotten, jokes can help to raise your mood a bit. I love humour. Well... Supposedly humour, and recognising humour, is a sign of intelligence. If you are humourous, you're more likely to be intelligent.

Since I wasn't feeling particularly good today, I looked at some jokes online. And I thought maybe I'll just share some of them with the people who actually read our blog:

First up, a long one. But I really love the comparison of schooling in the old days and now:

School 1960 vs. School 2007

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.

1960 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up mates.

2007 - Police are called, SWAT team arrives and arrests Johnny and Mark. Mobiles with video of fight confiscated as evidence. They are charged with assault, AVOs are taken out and both are suspended even though Johnny started it. Diversionary conferences and parent meetings conducted. Video shown on 6 internet sites.

Scenario: Jeffrey won't sit still in class, disrupts other students.

1960 - Jeffrey is sent to the principal's office and given a good paddling. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.

2007 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. Counselled to death. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra funding because Jeffrey has a disability. Drops out of school.

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.

1960 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.

2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. Psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mum has an affair with the psychologist. Psychologist gets a promotion.

Scenario: Mark, a college student, brings cigarettes to school .

1960 - Mark shares a smoke with the school principal out on the smoking area.

2007 - Police are called and Mark is expelled from School for drug possession. His car is searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario: Vinh fails high school English.

1960 - Vinh goes to Remedial English, passes and goes to college.

2007 - Vinh's cause is taken up by local human rights group. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that making English a requirement for graduation is racist. Civil Liberties Association files class action lawsuit against state school system and his English teacher. English is banned from core curriculum. Vinh is given his Y10 anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers, puts them in a model plane paint bottle and blows up an anthill.

1960 - Ants die.

2007 - Security and ASIO are called and Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. Teams investigate parents, siblings are removed from the home, computers are confiscated, and Johnny's dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario: Johnny falls during recess and scrapes his knee. His teacher, Mary, finds him crying, and gives him a hug to comfort him.

1960 - Johnny soon feels better and goes back to playing.

2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces three years in prison. Johnny undergoes five years of therapy. Becomes gay.

Kids' answers to some questions on love

Q: How do you decide who to marry?
A: No-one really decides before they grow up. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.

Q: What do you think your mom and dad have in common?
A: Both don't want any more kids.

Q: What do most people do on a date?
A: On the first date, they tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.

Taken off a Flickr album by Karigaile

I'll post more next time, but for now, I have to rush off to school for a meeting.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Botak Jones

Botak Jones recently opened an outlet very near my place. But I haven't gotten down to trying it until today.

Botak Jones is supposed to be an authentic American food restaurant with outlets in neighbourhood areas. I can't say that their prices are "neighbourhood" prices though. I bought a Cajun Chicken set for $7.50, and I must say that the serving of the chicken is quite small. They gave a lot of fries though. Although it wasn't exactly cheap, but the food is good. The spices were really nice.

They have a website: http://www.botakjones.com that has their whole menu. Check out the U-Crazy-What?!?! Burger. It's really crazy. I might try that one day. If anyone is interested in trying out Botak Jones near my place, ask me along!

Monday, March 10, 2008

Tom Yam Beehoon!



I was kinda missing Pek's (my preceptor in SGH MOT) tom yam beehoon today, so I decided to cook it myself with the tom yam paste I bought at Market City! Turned out pretty yummy, altho the ingredients were different. Couldn't be helped, cos it's really hard to find squid here, and the prawns r really expensive. I used chicken instead. Hehe.
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Saturday, March 08, 2008

Bondi Beach!

We FINALLY went to Bondi beach today! Phew! With the erratic weather, I thought we'd never get a chance to go. We initially thought of going the Bondi about 1 week ago, but the weather suddenly turned very very cold with thunderstorms, so the plans were dropped. In fact, yesterday night was a really stormy night too, so we already had backup plans. Fortunately, the weather turned out really great today! =)

P.S. Sorry for the poor quality pictures. I didn't wanna risk ruining my camera with the sand and sea water, so I only managed to get photos with my handphone VGA camera! The photos r totally not doing justice to how lovely Bondi beach is.


Hello Bondi~!




Saturday, March 01, 2008

Happy Mardi Gras!

Went to the annual Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras today! It was really really crowded and really really cold... Was underdressed cos I got tricked by the weather forecast. Brrr.... We arrived early to get a good spot at 5pm. The actual parade only started at 7.30pm, so in the end, I left early cos it simply got too cold! Managed to take lotsa photos tho. =P

Sydney is so much more open about homosexuality compared to Singapore. In fact, I think Singapore simply tries to pretend that homosexuals don't exist. In Sydney, Mardi Gras is a day for the gays and lesbians to celebrate their homosexuality, as well as campaign for public acceptance. I think Singapore is too homophobic to get to tt stage though. Oh well... On to the pictures:

The bowling pin guy

Lesbian couple in the motorbike parade (yes, the topless one is a female)

One of the floats during the actual parade

I'm having problems uploading my photos, so for more, click here!