The Older I Get, The More I Don't Understand

I find that the older I get, the more I see, the more I don't understand. I don't understand why certain people behave in certain ways. I don't understand why the world is moving this way. I don't understand myself sometimes.

Why do certain people hang on to something so strongly? Even when they said they "gave up", they were still hanging on to that slim strand, refusing to really give up. Why do I feel so strongly about certain things? Maybe it's time for me to give up and give myself a easier life. I can't control the way people think and what they want to do. Let them be. When such things happen, I start to feel like a parent...

What are some people thinking of? If you haven't read the article on the British girl I posted some time back, read it here: http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,23344930-2,00.htm and be shocked. OK. Maybe some of you won't be shocked. Maybe some of you might feel the same as the girl, that it's cool. I don't quite understand it. Maybe I'm not as open as I thought myself to be.

Talking about being open. Someone told me this "reasoning" before. Why can't a person love two people at the same time? If you can love your whole family, which is already more than 1 person, why can't you love two people at the same time in the romantic way? Maybe those people who had more than 1 wife in the old times, and some people who have mistresses now, do love all their partners? I'm like... Huh?!?! But honestly, I can't really argue for or against this "reasoning" actually. I must say a word for women though. One of the reasons why I wouldn't agree with polygamy is because there wasn't really any real polygamy. If a man could have many wives, why can't a woman have many husbands? Of course, this again can be argued by saying that in the olden days, men were the ones who work and can provide for the family. Furthermore, when pregnancy happens in a household of a man with many wives, you know (probably) who the father and the mother is. With a woman with many husbands, you can't tell. OK. That's going a bit far off.

I don't understand why some people can be more easily satisfied than others. I don't understand how some people can give so selflessly to others. I don't understand how some people can be willing to suffer and still think that things can work out (in a relationship, especially). Recently me and Gladys were saying that we can be willing to spend money on each other, but not on our ownselves. We can't really explain why.

I don't understand why do I never seem to be good at what I do. I'm more like a jack of many trades and a master of none. I can do certain things well enough to scrap through, but wasn't really good in any of them. E.g. gymnastics, cheerleading, martial arts, singing, computer, intelligence. I can do a bit of each, better than average in some areas, but never really good in any. And yet, some people do think highly of me. I don't understand that too.

The older I get, the more I really don't understand. I don't even understand why am I just thinking of all these funny thoughts instead of seriously doing my HYP, doing my school work. I just don't feel like studying anymore, don't feel like doing my HYP anymore. I'm just so sick of the whole thing.

I feel like resigning myself to the fate of a 2nd upper honours degree. Just aim to complete the HYP with a marginal score. But at the same time, I feel like it's such a waste, it's something that I don't feel like giving it away just like that. What an ironic feeling. Not feeling like doing it, and yet not feeling like giving it up. Perhaps that's how those people who want to hang on to a broken relationship feel.

I just feel lost.